it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Even the bartender felt bad for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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