why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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