oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
