just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
