Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Two words: blizzard sex
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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