I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
