rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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