I've blown a few things in my day
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
