Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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