I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
