I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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