In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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