Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
