So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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