Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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