Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fuck appropriateness.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
