my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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