i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
