Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
