I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I cannot find my penis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize