Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
COCAINE IS GR8
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
