ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
