I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
