I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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