I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
