cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
