Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
