Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
