I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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