dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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