my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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