I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just had sex on a roof
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize