No stitches, just platelets and will power
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
