i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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