That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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