Buhtt sex?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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