Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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