why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
