i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
