my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize