New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
