Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
