Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
