The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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