I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
