I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
