Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He felt like a one man threesome
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
