I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
