Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
