I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
