I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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