When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
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There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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