we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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