Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
