this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
