I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
