btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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