Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
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I can't turn off my feet"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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