Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
