The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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